If you’re here because something feels a little ‘off’ with your little one and you started Googling, you’re not alone. A lot of autism parents can trace their journey back to a moment exactly like the one you’re experiencing right now.
When my son was around 12 months old, I found myself going down the same rabbit hole. I read every list I could find, and he checked almost every box. It was terrifying. What I needed in that moment wasn’t more clinical language. I needed someone to explain things clearly and tell me what to do next.
That’s what I hope this post can do for you.
What Is Autism, in Plain Terms?
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental difference that affects how a child communicates, connects socially, and experiences the world around them. It’s called a “spectrum” because it looks different in every child – some kids are highly verbal, others aren’t. Some have intense sensory sensitivities, others don’t.
The conventional medical understanding is that autism is a lifelong condition shaped by genetics and brain development. It’s worth noting that some families also explore how factors like sensory load, sleep, gut health, nutrition, or inflammation may affect their child’s overall well-being and day-to-day functioning alongside autism. Research in these areas is still evolving.
Autism isn’t caused by parenting. It isn’t something a child “catches.” And an early concern doesn’t mean a certain diagnosis. What it does mean is that paying attention now matters, because early support makes a real difference.
In This Article
This article explores language development (both typical and atypical development) and common early signs of autism by age group.
There’s also a list included of common autism sign that may appear at any age, as well as what to do next if you are concerned.
Language Development – Typical First Words vs. What to Watch For
Lack of language development is one of the first things many parents notice. It’s one of the most watched areas in early childhood, and for good reason. Here’s a rough picture of what’s typical and what might warrant attention.
Typical first words (by 12–15 months):
- “Mama,” “dada,” “baba”
- “Up,” “no,” “hi,” “bye”
- Names of familiar people or pets
- Simple object words: “ball,” “cup,” “dog”
Language patterns that may be atypical:
- Repeating commercial jingles or TV dialogue instead of functional words
- Using words only in very specific contexts and not generalizing them
- Losing words they clearly had before
- Using a caregiver’s hand as a tool (pushing your hand toward something) rather than pointing or asking verbally
- Speaking in a flat, sing-song, or very formal tone that feels different from typical toddler speech
This language development checklist isn’t a diagnostic tool. It’s a way to organise what you’re observing so you can talk to your doctor clearly.
By 12 months, your child may:
🟨 Respond to their name
🟨 Make eye contact comfortably
🟨 Smile back when you smile
🟨 Babble
🟨 Point or gesture
By 18 months, your child may:
🟨 Use at least 10 words
🟨 Point to show you something interesting
🟨 Follow your pointing finger with their eyes
🟨 Imitate simple actions or sounds
🟨 Show you things they’re proud of
By 24 months, your child may:
🟨 Use two-word phrases
🟨 Show interest in other children
🟨 Engage in simple pretend play
🟨 Follow two-step instructions
🟨 Bring you things just to share them
By 36 months, your child may:
🟨 Use short sentences to communicate
🟨 Play with other children, not just alongside them
🟨 Engage in pretend play
🟨 Follow two to three step instructions
🟨 Talk about their own feelings, even simply
If you’re not able to check off many, or any, of these boxes, it’s worth having a conversation with your pediatrician.
Early Signs of Autism in Babies (6–12 Months)
Some signs of autism can appear in the first year of life. They’re often subtle, easy to miss, and even easier to explain away. But if several of these feel familiar, your instinct is worth following.
Social connection
🟨 Doesn’t make consistent eye contact during feeding or play. Most babies naturally seek out faces. If your baby rarely locks eyes with you, or eye contact feels brief and hard to hold, that’s worth noting.
🟨 Rarely smiles back when you smile at them. Social smiling, smiling in response to someone else’s smile, typically appears by 2 months. A baby who doesn’t reflect smiles back may not be tuning into faces the way most babies do.
🟨 Seems unusually uninterested in faces. Babies are wired to prefer faces over almost everything else. If your baby seems more drawn to objects, lights, or patterns than to people, pay attention to that.
🟨 Doesn’t reach arms up to be picked up. Most babies anticipate being lifted by raising their arms when you reach for them. This small gesture is an early form of social communication.
Communication and sound
🟨 Doesn’t babble or coo by 6 months. Babbling is how babies practice the building blocks of language. Silence in this window is one of the earlier language flags.
🟨 Doesn’t respond to their name by 9–10 months. This isn’t about hearing. Many babies who don’t respond to their name can hear perfectly well. It’s about social attention, tuning in when someone calls you.
Visual and sensory
🟨 Doesn’t track objects visually or follow your gaze. Babies typically follow a moving object with their eyes and look where a caregiver is looking. This shared attention is an early foundation for communication. When it’s absent or inconsistent, it matters.
A note worth repeating: one sign on its own rarely means anything definitive. It’s the pattern across multiple areas that matters. If you’re seeing several of these, bring your notes to your doctor and ask for a referral.
Signs of Autism in Toddlers (12–24 Months)
This is often the window where parents start to notice something feels different. Language is expected to be picking up, social play is starting, and children are becoming more engaged with the world around them. When that engagement seems limited or inconsistent, it stands out.
Social communication signs
🟨 Doesn’t point to show you things they find interesting. Pointing is about more than getting needs met. Most toddlers point to share things with other people – an airplane in the sky, a dog outside, something exciting across the room. A child who only points to request things, or doesn’t point at all, may be struggling with something called shared attention, which is an important early social communication skill.
🟨 Rarely makes eye contact, or makes eye contact that feels fleeting. Many autistic toddlers make eye contact differently. It may feel very brief, inconsistent, or seem to happen mostly when they need something rather than during social interaction. Parents often describe it as feeling difficult to “connect” through eye contact the way they expected.
🟨 Doesn’t look where you’re pointing when you direct their attention. Most toddlers naturally look toward something when a parent points and says, “Look!” This back-and-forth attention helps build language and social understanding. When a child consistently doesn’t follow pointing or gaze, it can signal difficulty with shared attention.
🟨 Doesn’t bring objects over to show you. Toddlers often bring toys, rocks, snacks, or random little treasures over simply to involve you in what they’re doing. A child who rarely tries to share interests or experiences with others may be showing an early social communication difference.
🟨 Seems more interested in objects than in people. Some autistic toddlers become deeply focused on how objects work – spinning wheels, opening and closing doors, watching lights, or arranging items – while showing less interest in faces, interaction, or social games.
🟨 Doesn’t wave hello or goodbye consistently. Gestures like waving are early communication milestones. A child who doesn’t use gestures naturally may be having difficulty with nonverbal communication skills.
🟨 Rarely imitates actions or sounds. Imitation is one of the main ways toddlers learn. Copying sounds, clapping, facial expressions, or pretend play actions help children build language and social understanding. Limited imitation can sometimes be an early developmental flag. Babies typically follow a moving object with their eyes and look where a caregiver is looking. This shared attention is an early foundation for communication. When it’s absent or inconsistent, it matters.
Language signs
🟨 Has few or no words by 16 months. Language develops at different rates, but by this age most toddlers are using at least a handful of meaningful words consistently. Delayed speech can happen for many reasons, but it’s worth paying attention to when it appears alongside social or behavioural differences.
🟨 Loses words they previously had. Regression – losing language or skills that were already present – is one of the more significant developmental signs parents report before an autism diagnosis. Some children lose only a few words, while others stop using language more noticeably.
🟨 Repeats words or phrases without clear meaning (echolalia). Some toddlers repeat lines from shows, songs, or conversations instead of using their own spontaneous language. Echolalia is often a form of communication, even when the meaning isn’t immediately obvious to others.
🟨 Doesn’t use words to communicate needs. Some children have words but don’t use them functionally. Instead of asking verbally, they may pull a caregiver toward something, place a hand on an object they want opened, or physically direct another person to do something for them.
Behavioural signs
🟨 Lines up toys or objects repeatedly rather than playing with them. Many toddlers organise toys sometimes, but consistently lining objects up in repetitive patterns – especially while showing little pretend or imaginative play – can stand out developmentally.
🟨 Gets very distressed by small changes in routine. Unexpected transitions, changes in order, different routes, or disruptions to routines may trigger intense distress. This often reflects difficulty with flexibility and processing change.
🟨 Shows intense focus on specific objects or interests. Some autistic toddlers become unusually focused on certain objects, movements, or topics – wheels, fans, vacuum cleaners, numbers, letters, lights, or spinning objects, for example. The intensity and repetition often stand out more than the interest itself.
🟨 Repetitive movements like hand flapping, rocking, or spinning. These repetitive movements, sometimes called “stimming,” can help children regulate excitement, stress, sensory input, or emotion. Many autistic children stim in different ways.
🟨 Unusual reactions to sounds, textures, lights, or tastes. Some children are extremely sensitive to sensory input, while others seem to seek it out or barely react to things that would normally bother a child. This might look like covering ears, refusing certain clothing textures, craving movement, or not reacting strongly to pain or temperature.
Signs of Autism in 2 and 3 Year Olds
By age two, most children are using short phrases, engaging in simple pretend play, and showing real interest in other kids. By three, they’re having basic conversations, following multi-step instructions, and beginning to understand how other people feel.
Signs of Autism at age 2
Language
🟨 Not using two-word phrases. By two, most children are combining words naturally: “more milk,” “daddy go,” “big dog.” Single words only, or no words at all, is a flag. So is losing words they previously had.
🟨 Language that doesn’t seem functional. Some children have words but use them in ways that don’t quite connect to communication. They might repeat phrases from shows or songs, or use words only in very specific contexts without generalising them.
Social connection
🟨 Little interest in other children. At two, kids don’t need to play together yet, but most show some curiosity about other children. A child who seems completely indifferent to peers, or actively moves away from them, is worth watching.
🟨 Doesn’t engage in pretend play. Pretending a banana is a phone, feeding a stuffed animal, making a block into a car. This kind of imaginative play is a significant developmental milestone. Its absence at two is one of the more consistent early markers.
Behaviour and routine
🟨 Unusual attachment to specific routines or objects. Every toddler has preferences, but there’s a difference between a favourite toy and a child who becomes genuinely distressed if a routine changes by even a small detail, or who carries a specific object everywhere and can’t be separated from it.
🟨 Difficulty transitioning between activities. Moving from one thing to the next is hard for most toddlers. But if transitions consistently trigger significant distress, far beyond what redirection or warning can manage, that’s worth noting.
🟨 Tantrums that feel different. All two-year-olds have tantrums. What stands out with autism is the intensity, the duration, and what triggers them. Meltdowns triggered by sensory input, small unexpected changes, or transitions, and that are very difficult to bring down, are different from typical toddler frustration.
Signs of Autism at age 3
Language and communication
🟨 Conversations feel one-sided or scripted. A three-year-old with autism might talk a lot, but on their terms, about their topics, without much back and forth. Or their speech might feel rehearsed, like they’re reciting rather than conversing.
🟨 Repeating lines from shows or songs out of context. This is called echolalia, and it’s one of the more recognisable signs for parents once they know to look for it. A child might quote a full scene from a cartoon in response to being asked what they want for lunch. It’s not random. Often it’s their way of communicating, but the connection isn’t obvious.
🟨 Language that sounds “off.” Unusual phrasing, very formal speech, a flat or sing-song tone, or talking in a way that feels more like a little professor than a three-year-old. Parents often describe it as hard to put their finger on, but they notice it.
Understanding and following directions
🟨 Difficulty understanding or following instructions. Not because they’re ignoring you, but because processing multi-step language or shifting attention on request is genuinely hard. A child who seems not to hear you, or who needs the same instruction many times, may be struggling to process rather than choosing not to listen.
Social play
🟨 Doesn’t play cooperatively with peers. By three, most children are starting to play with other kids, not just alongside them. A child who consistently plays alone, struggles to join in, or seems confused by the social rules of play may be finding peer interaction genuinely difficult to navigate.
Emotional awareness
🟨 Limited ability to talk about feelings or notice others’. This one needs nuance. Many autistic children experience emotions deeply, though this can look different from child to child. What can be different is the ability to name those feelings, or to read what someone else is feeling from their expression or tone. A child who seems unbothered when another child is crying, or who can’t tell you how they feel even when clearly upset, fits this pattern.
Other Signs Parents Often Notice Along the Way
Sometimes it’s not one dramatic sign that stands out. It’s a growing collection of small moments that slowly start to feel connected.
A parent may first notice that their toddler:
🟨 doesn’t respond consistently to their name
🟨 rarely points to share interest
🟨 seems to avoid eye contact
🟨 lines up toys instead of playing with them
🟨 walks on tiptoes frequently
🟨 hand flaps when excited or upset
🟨 repeats TV shows instead of answering questions
🟨 plays alone most of the time
🟨 becomes extremely upset by small routine changes
🟨 covers their ears at loud sounds
🟨 seems unusually focused on spinning objects, wheels, lights, or specific interests
For some families, the concern starts with speech: A toddler who loses words, doesn’t imitate sounds, doesn’t answer questions, or seems delayed compared to peers.
For others, it’s the social differences that stand out first: Not waving goodbye, not bringing things over to show you, or seeming more interested in objects than interaction.
And for many parents, the experience eventually leads to late-night Google searches like:
- speech delay vs autism
- Is toe walking autism
- hand flapping toddler
- lost words at 2 years old
- no eye contact toddler
On their own, many of these behaviours can happen in typically developing children too. Toe walking can happen without autism. Speech delays can exist independently. Some toddlers are naturally shy, sensitive, or deeply focused on certain interests.
What often matters more is the overall pattern: differences in social communication, language development, behaviour, sensory processing, and how those signs appear together over time.
That’s why it can help to stop looking at isolated behaviours and instead ask, “Does my child seem to be developing and connecting differently across multiple areas?”
If the answer feels like “maybe,” it’s worth bringing those observations to your doctor.
Should I Wait and See?
You may have already heard this from a doctor, a family member, or a well-meaning friend. “Every kid develops differently.” “Boys are slower.” “Give it a few more months.”
Here’s the truth:
The good news is that you don’t have to wait for things to become severe before seeking help. Early support can improve communication, reduce frustration, and help children build important skills during a critical stage of development.
The early years are the most critical window for brain development. The support a child gets at age two looks very different from the support they get at age five, and the outcomes reflect that. You are not overreacting by seeking answers early. You are doing exactly what a good parent does.
There’s a way of thinking about this that has stuck with many autism parents:
If something is wrong and you wait, you’ll always wonder if earlier help would have changed things. If you seek help and your child didn’t need it, you’ll never regret that.
Act early. You can always adjust course later, but early support can make a meaningful difference.
What to Do If You’re Concerned
This is the part that trips a lot of parents up because the next steps aren’t always obvious, especially in Canada, where systems vary significantly by province.
Start here:
- Write down what you’re seeing. Be specific. Not “he doesn’t talk much” but “he had three words and lost two of them last month.” Dates and examples help.
- Talk to your pediatrician or family doctor. Bring your notes. If you feel dismissed, it’s okay to ask directly: “I’d like a referral for a developmental assessment.”
- Ask for a referral sooner rather than later. Waitlists for autism assessments in Canada can be long, often a year or more. Getting on a list doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means you’re being proactive.
- Don’t wait for a diagnosis to access support. In most provinces, you can access speech-language therapy and occupational therapy before a formal diagnosis. Ask about what’s available in your area.
- Trust yourself. You know your child. If something feels off, it’s worth pursuing. You’re not overreacting.
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
If reading this post has brought up a lot of emotion, that’s completely understandable. Worrying about your child is one of the most exhausting and consuming things a parent can go through.
If you’re at the point where you want a clear, step-by-step guide to what comes next – how to talk to your doctor, how the assessment process works in Canada, what to do while you wait, and how to access early support – our guide, What Now? Early Signs & First Steps was written for exactly this moment.
You don’t have to have all the answers yet. You just have to take the next step.
Autism Compass is a Canadian resource hub for families navigating autism. We’re not a medical provider and this post isn’t a substitute for professional advice. If you have concerns about your child’s development, please speak with your pediatrician or family doctor.
